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When Vacations Attack: My Travel Fails Uncut

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First off, checking in at the airport alone can be daunting. Hold on. Let’s back up. First, making it to the airport in order to check in on time should never be underestimated. Too many times I’ve missed my flight either from traffic or leaving too late, which I end up blaming on traffic anyway. Let’s say the stars align and you make it to your gate on time, no overage in baggage fees, and your sanity still in tow. Now the plane has to function properly and the crew must be there to fly the thing. Nothing creeps me out more than maintenance issues with planes. Don’t get me wrong – I welcome maintenance issues over taking off in a faulty jet. But damn, these things can take hours – and what happens if the broken part breaks again, ONLY YOU’RE MID FLIGHT? On hour 8 of a delay I start asking “God, are you there?” Don’t even get me started on what I ask him once we actually take off, climb to 30,000 ft and hit mad turbulence. So many possible issues and you haven’t even arrived yet. I’ve done my fair share of traveling in my 26.9 years of existence, and with lots of traveling comes lots of #travelfails, all in varying types, shapes and sizes.

Aspen, CO

I was dealt the lucky card in life. The person I handpicked in 1st grade to be my lifelong best friend just so happened to be an only child. Why does that make me lucky, you ask? The fact that her parents only had one kid meant that basically, I was her stand-in sister and travel buddy during summer and winter vacations growing up. Her family had a condo in Aspen we’d often visit, escaping the small town life back in Fort Smith, Arkansas, for a week or two. Because we came from a city where American Eagle dominated the regional airport and where propeller planes were prevalent, we were used to the cramped planes with rotating blades. What did a jet even look like? Don’t all planes have propellers? Ahh, the simple life. So we took off for Aspen one particular summer and as I was snacking on my free peanuts, the flight attendant came over the loud speaker and calmly reported a blade malfunction on one of the propellers. We would be making an emergency landing in Denver. Cue the cold sweat and white knuckles. Twelve year old me didn’t want to die, but luckily our fearless pilot flew us to safer grounds that day. Perhaps this is where my fear of flying commenced…

Kansas City, MO

Gotta love humble beginnings. One weekend when I was in my ugly stage way back when, we made a family “vacation” out of my dad’s dental conference in Kansas City. On a day that he could escape the tooth talk, we thought we’d do it big and head to Worlds of Fun Amusement Park for the afternoon. Well, after we rode Thunderhawk, spiraled through the Bamboozler and dipped our feet in Oceans of Fun (little did we know this was foreshadowing), things started to go downhill rather quickly…

The sky decided to open and we were caught in a monsoon in a matter of seconds. We made a dash for our car, but turns out neither of my parents could remember where the damn thing was parked. By this point, there wasn’t a dry patch on our bodies and my parents were a nervous wreck not only trying to find the Suburban among 300 other Suburbans, but also tending to the impossible feat of keeping 3 girls, all under the age of 10, calm. Not happening. The parking lot was now a swift moving river, very different from the fun, warm, lazy one we’d seen only minutes prior. The skies had turned on us and we were in a living nightmare. My younger sister’s lace-trimmed socks were now under water and my older sister had just dove underneath a large truck for shelter. Seeing how that could be a bad idea, she crawled out and instead, dove through an open window in the empty car next to it, opening the door for my younger sister and me. A faint memory of a half eaten Lays chip bag still lingers in my mind and at the time, I thought, “Is this it? Are we going to have to ration the Lays crumbs amongst the five of us to survive this dreadful new life?” And then, we heard a knock on the window. Mom and dad came to the rescue with our familiar car – shelter had arrived and we were going to live! It was a traumatic experience, and we stopped going on dad’s dental conferences after that.

Boston, MA

While my sister was enrolled in Boston College, I figured I’d pay her a visit. At 16, there’s pretty much nothing cooler than perfecting your beer pong game and meeting hot college boys. I was livin’ the dream. It was all fun and games that weekend, and I learned a lot – beer pong was called beirut in the north?! I boarded a plane at Logan International Airport to head home. We taxied out to the tarmac and just as we were about to take off, the man directly in front of me started having a heart attack. We quickly taxied to a deserted area of the airport where a medical emergency crew met us to tend to the man’s needs. He exited the aircraft and I sincerely hope he’s doing well today wherever he is in the world.

Atlanta, GA

Throughout my four glorious years at the University of Georgia, I must have missed at least 8 flights during that time period for whatever reason (totally traffic). That’s at least 2 flights/year which is extremely unacceptable. I’m purely telling you this in order for you to get a sense of my responsibleness or lack thereof during the college years.

There was one time in particular that I was extremely careless and aloof after landing in ATL. I had a daunting 1 hour and 10 minute drive back to Athens, and I was thinking about what I was going to do for a late lunch. Chick-fil-a was on my mind, and I was sizing up the pros and cons of ordering a #1 or a #5. Did I want a chicken sandwich or chicken nuggets? What about the forgotten Salad menu that the U.S. population simply dismissed? Yea, salads would probably look better on me. Then there was the beloved chicken biscuit that I was 5 hours late for, but would ask about anyway. Whoops, there goes caring about body image. SEE. There’s so much to think about before driving thru and placing your beloved Chick-fil-a order. It obviously took away any other thought process at hand, including grabbing the correct bag off the conveyer belt at baggage claim. Oh, yep, that black one with the silver zippers, yea that’s mine. Off to Chick-fil-a I went. After the hour and 10 minute drive, I pulled up to the Chi O house, unloaded my bag, and went to my room. I unzipped my suitcase to find something very unfamiliar to me. I didn’t own Keds and sure as hell didn’t pack any children’s books with me that trip. I immediately looked at the name tag. OH DAMN. AH OH. A man named Muhammad was somewhere in Atlanta very, very pissed off. What was my life going to consist of now that I was a THIEF?! I zipped up the suitcase, put it back in my car and headed towards ATL to exchange black suitcases with silver zippers. T’was a long afternoon. Thank God for Chick-fil-a.

Atlanta –> Washington D.C.

Happier times Happier times

ATL and I have never vibed well together. It’s not a city that I hold near and dear to my heart, let’s just say that much. That being said, it seemed appropriate to move cities after only 8 months of getting to know the place. I was movin’ on up to D.C., and my mom was in town helping me pack my belongings and drive the 10 hours up the coast. Time wasn’t on my side during moving week, and luck wasn’t on my mother’s.

I landed an interview 2 days before I was scheduled to be in The District, so my mom and I decided that I’d buy a cheap one-way ticket to D.C. for the interview, and she would kindly drive my car after collecting my belongings from theft movers who stole everything I owned 2 days prior, but that’s for another story. Welcome to the city where the players play y’all. That’s all I gotta say. I remember calling her on my layover in Charlotte to ask how the collection went, and she was crying. She had just hit another car on Piedmont, totaling both vehicles. Thankfully, she was okay. To make a looong story short, I ended up making the interview that day in D.C. to only buy another one-way ticket back to ALT to tend to my sweet mother after her hellish day. The good news – I got the job!

Nice, France

On a family trip to the dreamy beaches of France, my sisters and I got a little…bold. Topless beaches are aplenty throughout Europe, and Nice beaches are no exception. We weren’t there for 5 minutes before my older sister threw her top to the side. Of course, once I saw this happen, I did the same. When in Rome, amiright? Well, we looked a bit different at the time. She was quite voluptuous up there and as for me, I mirrored a 13 year old boy at the time so I had nothing to offer. Within minutes, my sister started attracting the attention of passer bys. It wasn’t too long before a photographer got glimpse of her and started snapping away. Call him the paparazzi and my dad the bouncer because once he caught wind of what was going on, he threw the photog and his camera to the wind and told my sister to put her clothes back on before he put everyone on a plane to Arkansas where topless beaches didn’t exist. Or any beach for that matter. It was a tense day for the Murphy family.

Santa Barbara, CA

My travels with or to see Catherine Lowe are anything but smooth sailing. I could tell the story about that one time we met in Portugal to make an appearance on Des’s season, but it took her 48 hours to arrive. Or about the time we tried to make Coachella happen but never actually made any shows. How about the time when we met in Miami for her bachelorette party, and she missed the first day. Don’t even get me started on ‘The Bachelor’ travels.

One memorable experience in particular was when I traveled back to the States for Catherine’s wedding. Everyone had boarded the plane at EZE in Buenos Aires, and we were about to start taxiing. But Mother Nature had other plans. Within 5 minutes the entire airport was shut down due to a huge storm looming directly overhead. After an hour of that mess and rain continuing to pour down, the control tower gave us the OK to take off. Immediately my heart started pounding and my palms started sweating. BUT IT’S STILL RAINING. ARE WE GOING TO CRASH BECAUSE IT’S RAINING? IS THIS ALLOWED? I had so many questions for the pilot, but alas, I kept my cool and started breathing exercises. To this day, that was the scariest flight I’ve ever been on. Multiple times, I thought we were goners. Because we flew through and around storms, coupled with the delay on the ground, I missed the Houston connection and was forced to get another flight out to LAX. Once finally at LAX, I had to board a three hour shuttle to Santa Barbara. It took 35 hours to get there, but it was very worth every minute when I finally saw the beautiful bride.

St. Croix

Many people are unaware of this truth, but after being eliminated by Sean Lowe in Season 17 of The Bachelor, the show’s villain known as Tierra and I were forced to make it back home together. After seeing my “Tierra-orist” mentions play back on the big screen, you can image how awkward this must have been for me. And probably for her as well. After being given the boot around 2am in a mansion on a hill of St. Croix, I was taken to the seediest motel to wait out the next 3 hours until I could catch a flight. It was there that I was told I’d be traveling with Tierra, who was eliminated a bit earlier. We exchanged tired, fake, puffy-eyed smiles to one another as we loaded our bags into a producer’s car. It was only hours earlier that I was caught in the middle of the Tierra – AshLee cat fight. Too bad it couldn’t have been Tierra and AshLee leaving the show together. Could you imagine? I’m sure at that point, they would’ve loaded a cameraman in the car and on the plane to capture all the unfolding drama. I digress.

Tierra and I didn’t exchange so much of a “I can’t stand Sean Lowe” before we boarded a puddle jumper to St. Thomas. It wasn’t until the St. Thomas airport that conversation between us started up. We talked about her side of the story, her sparkle, and her one out-of-control eyebrow. No, I’m just kidding. But we did exchange pleasantries until we boarded the plane to Miami. It was there in the Miami airport that we hugged it out awkwardly and said our goodbyes. I didn’t see her again until the tapping of Women Tell All when we both had long forgotten that embrace we once shared.

Buenos Aires, Argentina

My first trip to Argentina involved a job interview about two hours after landing, right around the time it takes to get through customs and drive into the city. No pressure or anything. This was also my first experience taking the sleep aid known as Ambien. Already, two things not on my side – time and responsiveness.

We landed on schedule which was great, but my bags were lost in the abyss somewhere between Dallas and Buenos Aires, which wasn’t great. I had an interview in two hours and at the rate I was going, I wasn’t going to remember anything about it in my Ambien-induced state of mind. Long story short, I borrowed clothes for my interview from a complete yet nice stranger and made it just in time as the Ambien was somewhat wearing off. I could remember my strengths, my weaknesses and why I was the perfect candidate to be the new Marketing Manager, even though I had zero, repeat zero, marketing background. You gotta fake it until you make it, and apparently I do really well under pressure and Ambien – I got the job! My bag was delivered 24 hours later via American Airlines delivery service.

Ahh, going down memory lane was fun. I can laugh about it all now. Picking and choosing the failures to divulge was difficult because they don’t just end with the ones described above. Have a travel fail of your own? Tell me about it!

How To Score A Flight Upgrade

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Air France's upcoming first class suite. September 2014. Air France’s upcoming first class suite. September 2014.

10 Ways to be Bumped to Business or First Class:

1. Be loyal

Airlines like to reward people who side with them and only them. Marry an airline and become a frequent flyer member ASAP. It has its pros and its cons, but in the end, it’s what needs to happen. You’ll earn miles and be rewarded first, but you’ll be off the market and not able to pick the airline with the lowest fares, quickest route or best planes. Tradeoffs, schmadeoffs. If you find it impossible to just stick with one airline, then explore either Star Alliance, Skye Team or One World Airline alliances.

2. Be nice and ask

Sleeping with the pilot may help, but here’s an easier and less invasive way. Put on the charm, bat the eyes, and just ask. Definitely request an upgrade at every level of airport travel: check-in, gate staff, lounge staff, flight attendant. Please don’t embarrass me and ask at security. They are busy looking for knives and other hazardous material. Kindness pays off, so if you pull out these stops, you could be an upperclassman in the blink of a smile.

3. Dress the part

If you want to fit in with business class, you must dress like business class. A well heeled traveler is more likely to get bumped up than anyone clad in old jeans, flip flops and an Arcade Fire t-shirt. Business casual is definitely SFU status (suitable for upgrade).

4. Check in late or early

I never liked the game of Risk. Here’s one similar. If you check in late AND your plane is full or oversold, you’re more likely to get bumped to business class in order for the airline to make room for all patrons. This could, however, result in having to take another flight if you’re too late. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the early bird gets the worm. If you check in first and upgrades are available, they may offer you the upgrades as you’re the first to arrive. Have a book or movie readily available to wait it out.

5. Be single

This one is a no-brainer. Traveling solo will give you a much higher chance of scoring a seat with the elite.

6. Be a diplomat

Using your title will get you more than just flight upgrades, but if you have one, I’m sure you already figured this out. You’re most likely already flying first class if you’re a diplomat but hey, letting the check-in attendant know will put you in the running to becoming the airline’s next top upperclassman. And if you aren’t a diplomat, the next best thing is marrying one.

7. Get fat

I’ve heard of this happening. It’s real. Super-sizing yourself can have higher upgrade probabilities (and cholesterol) than being rail thin. Let’s be honest, if you’re rail thin you probably aren’t going to take advantage of the full menu First Class boasts, so it’s probably best for 1A to go to somebody who could use a little bit more space up front. McDonald addicts, there is hope yet.

8. Pay for lots of excess baggage

Maybe you’re moving. Maybe you’re a travel mule. Perhaps you’re like me and have chronic indecisiveness and who packs their whole closet at times. Either way about it, sometimes you just have to invest to get a return. If you spend a lot in baggage fees, check-in attendants may just feel sorry for you and your depleting bank account.

9. Have friends in high places

If you have a friend who works at an airline, then your life just got a whole lot easier. That is, if you’re the lucky few who received their buddy-pass – the golden ticket to low priced airfare. I know various people who have been graced with this ultimate gift, however it has not happened to me. Yet. Share the wealth friends. I’m buddy-pass available!

10. Have a compelling reason

Maybe you’re 6 foot 5. Maybe it’s your 30th birthday (you can’t lie either – it’s on your passport.) Maybe you and your new spouse are on your romantic honeymoon. Maybe you’re pregnant (pregnant enough to be showing but not so pregnant that you can’t fly). Maybe you’re a first timer and you’re just getting your wings. Whatever the reason, you’re more likely to be bumped up if the attendant feels sorry for you or wants to make your day extra special.

To summarize, just be the person who checks off most of these boxes and you, too, could be sipping champagne while ordering off the First Class menu.

Top 5 Closed-Door Restaurants in Buenos Aires

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1. I Latina

Credit: I Latina Credit: I Latina

The Concept:

Voted #1 of 2,336 restaurants in Buenos Aires on TripAdvisor, I’d say this is a sure bet on a good night. A night that you’ll spend eating and drinking your face off, only to roll yourself home and sleep like a happy, drunk baby. There will be no talk of going out after the 7th course of pure Colombian goodness hits your lips and makes its home in your belly. Even the final course of Colombian coffee infused with cinnamon couldn’t get you out of the food coma. The upscale Latin America cuisine brought to you by Colombian brothers Santiago and Camilo Macías will rock your taste buds right off.

The Food (July 2014 Menu): 

  • Appetizer: White corn arepas with anise and Colombian hogao.
  • Bread Basket: Banana bread, Chipá, coconut bread, focaccia with olives and mixed seeds bread. Lime and pepper flavored butter.
  • First course: Duck confit with tamarind and quinoa salad.
  • Second course: Caramelized prawns with spicy pineapple and fennel.
  • Third course: Barú style ceviche with seasonal fish, mango biche, coconut and lychee.
  • Fourth course: Peruvian Chupe with grilled octopus.
  • Fifth course: Braised pork in coffee and sugar cane reduction.
  • Sixth course: Ecuadorian cacao truffle with sea salt and olive oil.
  • Seventh course: Avocado and Aguardiente ice cream.
  • Final course: Typical Colombian coffee infused with cinnamon. Petit Fours
  • Prices:
  • -Seven course tasting menu: ARG 600 pesos per person (beverages not included).
  • -Wine tasting: ARG 300 pesos per person.

The Highlights: 

  • Wine pairings were superb and well thought-out.
  • Ambiance was energetic, fun, romantic. Intimate, open kitchen plan with stain glass backdrop.
  • Service was prompt, helpful and happy throughout the 3 hour meal.

2. Casa Coupage

The Concept:

This is the place where wine snobs and foodies unite. Casa Coupage is every bit of a wine lovers dream and a foodie’s paradise as these people are laser-eye focused on delivering each well thought-out course with an equally as impressive well thought-out wine pairing. Santiago the Sommelier offered two different wines to compare with each dish to come and unobtrusively suggested wines that go better with certain elements on the plate, or merely wines that go better by themselves. It was a very educational experience, albeit a bit hard to remember those knowledgeable facts the next morning due to the extremely generous pours. My glass(es) were never empty. Ever. Set in an old private home, this dining experience isn’t your typical closed-door as it’s set up similar to restaurant style.

The Food:

Sophistication and creative presentation were in abundance as the 7-course tasting menu accompanied by 7 wine pairings made their way to our table. Stand outs included lamb empanadas, fig and cheese plate, octopus, flank steak and a light fruity sorbet. As I alluded above, the wine really takes home the crown for this particular closed-door. The dinner was a bit pricey but well worth the pesos due to the plentiful wine and food set before you throughout the evening.

The Highlights:

  • The most memorable wine tasting experiences, with food, that I’ve had in Buenos Aires.
  • Romantic, intimate setting with knowledgeable Sommeliers and wait staff.

3. Cocina Sunae

The Concept: 

Asian-American owner Sunae believes that the epitome of Asian culture, and the way to a woman’s heart, is seen through the food. Girl, I hear you. There’s a reason she and her Argie husband Franco have received local and international praise after opening their Colegiales home in 2009 to bring in flavor-packed, well executed Southeast Asian cuisine. It’s delicious and packs a punch with her homemade hot sauce but beware: this isn’t like an old dumbed-down Argie “hot sauce.” It’ll have you putting out the fire until your head hits the pillow that night. Even though my eyes start watering upon chewing a Hot Tamale candy, I can appreciate Sunae’s home grown chiles that had me hydrating myself throughout the evening. As for the seating, we were placed at a table for 2, opting us out of meeting strangers, which was fine. Sometimes the luck of the puerta cerrada just isn’t on your side and you could get stuck next to a total creeper. Let it be known that wine is not included in the $250 peso dinner.

The Food: 

During this particular night, the 4-course menu took us to the Philippines, Thailand, and Vietnam. For starters, the Sio Pao graced our plates with its doughy outer layer and perfectly cooked pork insides. The second course featured the Lumpia, a Filipino appetizer similar to a spring roll filled with vegetables and shrimp. The sweet chili sauce coupled with Sunae’s homemade sriracha hot sauce topped it off perfectly. The spicy green curry main dish was so good I wanted to pick up the bowl and drink its coconut milk and basil concoction, but remembered my manners at the last second. The real winner here was the cute miniature key lime pie with ginger crust and green tea ice cream for dessert. I devoured it in about 1 minute flat and was ready to do the whole experience again.

The Highlights: 

  • Homemade sriracha sauce, even though I’m not typically a hot sauce kinda girl. It was just that tasty.
  • Prompt, kind wait staff throughout the entire meal, who even ordered us a taxi upon receiving the check.

4. Jueves a la Mesa

The Concept:

Something tells me the owners of Jueves a la Mesa have seen “Forks Over Knives,” a documentary on the science behind plant-based eating. It takes a lot of guts to open a vegetarian closed-door restaurant in the land of red wine and redder meats. Just when the overwhelming abundance of steak makes you start craving some lettuce, Jueves a la Mesa is just what you need. Bubbly and gracious hosts Meghan Lewis and Sofia Madriz open up their San Telmo apartment every Thursday (hence, Jueves…) at 8:30 for a night of stuffing yourself with things your body will adore. The ambience is cozy and friendly with a large communal table decorated with candles, flowers and a mouth-watering smell coming from the kitchen.

The Food: 

Damn right it’s good to eat plants. Check out this menu and let your taste buds take you to San Telmo for family style servings of the good stuff for $250 pesos. Meghan and Sofia go one step further and give out the recipes of their delectable craft. The organic wines served throughout dinner pair extremely well with all the health you’ll witness.

  • Millet cornbread with lentil pate and caramelized onions
  • Sweet potato and peanut curry with yamani rice
  • Beet, carrot, and banana salad with homemade yogurt
  • Homemade chocolate (heart shaped and dark), fresh fruit, rose scented almonds
  • Ginger tea to cleanse the palette and helps the body absorb protein

The Highlights: 

  • Healthy with no meat dishes, allowing my body to detox
  • Cozy ambiance that’s out of the Palermo bubble
  • Recipes to try (and most likely fail) at home

5. NOLA

Credit: NOLA Buenos Aires Credit: NOLA Buenos Aires

The Concept:

Y’all. Southern food and home-brewed beer? Do you KNOW me? Color me sold. Yep, the Southerners stand corrected in that NOLA stands for New Orleans, Louisiana. Of course this one-of-a-kind restaurant couldn’t whip up anything but delectable Cajun-inspired cuisine. Once held in the beautiful Palermo house of the NOLA chef herself, New Orleans native Liza Puglia has re-opened her doors as of July 2014 with Argentina’s first gastro-pub.

The Food:

I suppose no longer technically a closed-door restaurant (we’ll give it an honorable mention), this new Argentine concept of gastro-pubs is rolling out the same menu, offering every bit of the awesomeness that Liza once served including fried chicken, gumbo, and Argentine craft beer. Brothers Marcelo and Francisco Terren make the beer at NOLA extra special with their pints of Broeders beer made with love from their micro-brewery. It’s like I never left the south of the good ole’ USofA! DISCLAIMER: The red chopped veggies that look like bell peppers as a side are in fact chiles. They will make you panic while tears steam down your face as your whole body becomes a fireball.

The Highlights:

  • So much Southern Hospitality that at times, I thought I was back home in the land of the free and the home of the brave.
  • Fried Chicken out of this world.
  • Relaxed environment with communal tables and lots of people eating with their hands – the definition of a down n’ dirty Southern meal.

How to Stay Active on Vacation

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With July 4th around the corner – and on a Friday this year (fireworks + weekend = productivity, right?) – light the bottle rockets and spark up a sweat beachside.

| Beach Jog |

There are so many pros to running on the beach if I may romanticize it for a second: beautiful scenery, misty breeze, people watching galore, cool water to jump in afterwards. Turns out you burn 30% more calories while doing it too. SCORE. But you’ll need to remember some tips before setting out for a sandy sweat.

  • Wear sunscreen. Don’t be stupid.
  • Start on the hard sand, near the water, first. This will ease you into sand running, ultimately saving your calves and joints from becoming sore. Wear shoes to decrease the risk of sprains.
  • Run on an even path and not a slant.
  • Don’t expect to run as fast as you usually do. Your body has to work harder on sand vs. pavement or a treadmill.

| Adventure |

Research activities in your destination. Maybe it’s a hike in Hawaii or surfing in California or paddle boarding in Miami. I signed up for a hike in Brazil that had me stair-stepping, rock climbing and repelling – does that count as three-a-days? Our group even came across BASE jumpers, and even though I didn’t partake, my heart was beating for them as if it did. Yay cardio!

| LimitLes Movement |

When I moved to Buenos Aires and started The Road Les Traveled, living out of a suitcase was the norm so I had to get creative with moving my body – in airports, hotel rooms, on balconies, and beaches you name it. In 2018, I married my two loves of movement and travel in a series deemed LimitLes. In 2020, I finally made my love of movement widely available with our online platform LimitLes Movement! You can choose between vinyasa flows, ab exercises, mastectomy stretches, classes with weights, airplane yoga, meditations, and more. Filter your movement by time, focus, level, and series. I even re-created my very own version of 8-minute-abs (keep reading 😉 ).

| Hotel Room Workout |

When I was sequestered in a Hyatt hotel room on ‘The Bachelor’ for days at a time and the ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ episodes just weren’t keeping my attention anymore, I did hotel room workouts to try and rid of the anxiety and sleepless nights, full of rose(less) ceremony nightmares.

| Attack Of The Abs |

If that still isn’t enough, I’ve got one more for you. I know 8 minute abs by heart since I first started doing this workout on VHS when I was 14, but now you can find anything on YouTube. (I feel really old right now. But hey, my abs don’t!) Disclaimer, it’ll have you time travel back to the 80’s. So do it, and do it everyday. Say it with me now, #nodaysoff.

What do you think attributed to this lovely cowgirl/chaps ensemble from the show? I’d like to officially thank 8 minute abs, adrenaline rushes galore and therefore, loss of appetite. I’ll leave you with this.

The Best Travel Apps of 2014

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1. Google Maps – Find your way around the globe with a GPS function that doesn’t require a data plan. SCORE. You’ll need internet to search for a specific location, but the blue dot will follow you around everywhere thanks to the beauty of satellites. Google Maps prevails over any other map app. Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell agree.

2. WhatsApp – This lovely messaging system allows you to send texts, videos, photos and voice notes with wifi to any number in the world as long as they’re stored in your contacts. It gained even more international attention when Facebook acquired the company in February 2014 for $19 billion. Today, the messaging system handles over more than 1 billion messages per day. I think it’s safe to say if you’re an avid traveler like myself, and you’ve never heard of this app unlike myself, then you’re most definitely living under a rock. Word on the street is that a free calling functionality is coming soon. Me thinks Viber is a wee bit worried.

3. Viber – As i currently live in Buenos Aires, I can’t be calling the States all the time from my AT&T number. The thought of that phone bill makes my stomach hurt. Thankfully, there’s a better way to communicate with friends and family that doesn’t include FaceTime and thus feeling bad because it’s been one hell of an afternoon and well, you just didn’t feel like brushing your hair that day. Viber is a calling and messaging application via internet connection that makes your life easier and your phone plan manageable.

4. Wi-Fi Finder – Perhaps you want to Viber your sister or maybe you just want tweet Amanda Bynes. There’s one commonality to both of those: you must have wi-fi to successfully carry out both tasks. This app will give you a map of exactly where the free and paid wireless connections are located. Disclaimer: To use Wi-Fi Finder, you must first have internet connection to download the offline database in order to use the app both online and offline.

6. FlightAware – I kind of adore this app. It allows you to track real time flight status and see the live map of any commercial flight worldwide. Track by aircraft registration, route, airline, flight number, city pair, or airport code. Data includes complete flight details. This comes in handy when you’re picking friends or family up from the airport.

7. SeatGuru – Ever suffered through an extremely cramped 10 hour international flight in coach to find that you have little to no legroom and your seat doesn’t recline? Yea, me too. SeatGuru can help with everything from seat maps to plane amenities. You’ll know which seats to avoid and which seats to book thanks to over 50,000 customer reviews. Also included – a flight search engine to find the best airfares available to you.

8. Uber – This will not be the first time I show my love for Uber. I’ve tweeted about it and talked about it many times prior because they save lives. Simple as that. Uber will connect you with a driver within seconds of needing a ride. Select a taxi, private car or rideshare, all under varying prices, and all cashless since you sign up with your credit card number – how dangerous. Wanna take a helicopter to the Hamptons for the weekend? UberChopper will hook you up. UpberJet is available in select cities as well. If you’re going traditional (car), most drivers also have little perks like water bottles or candy on offer. I know I know, never accept candy from strangers, but these guys are trustworthy and know the way to my heart. This app was the most popular travel and transportation app across both Apple’s App Store and Google Play during the month of June. Looks like the world is catching on to Uber’s awesomeness. The company is in 42 countries and isn’t showing any signs of stopping.

9. Easy Taxi – Another taxi-calling app hot on the scene is Easy Taxi. Like Uber, the app will allow you to see real time drivers in your area, connecting you with a ride in a matter of seconds. Unlike Uber, Easy Taxi won’t be giving you a choice in transportation – no choice of taxi, private driver, SUV, car, helicopter or jet here. You’ll get a taxi to take you from point A to point B without any frills, but still – what a service. Easy Taxi is currently in 32 countries worldwide and just announced it’s $40 million raise in funding, allowing the company to expand its presence in many cities. Let the taxi app wars begin!

10. Waze – If you’re on the road, you want this app. Waze is a community based traffic and navigation app with drivers who share real time traffic and road information, saving you time and gas money. Waze can also tell you where the cheapest fuel stations are nearby. It can be used anywhere in the world but requires many users to work properly. Only 13 countries have a full base map, while others are incompletely mapped, requiring users to record roads and edit maps. Waahhwahhh Waze.

11. Instagram – This may be old news to the social media gurus of the world, but here’s a tip about this photo-sharing app. It’s a great resource to check out weather conditions before you arrive in a destination by searching hashtags. For example, if you want to see what people are currently wearing in St. Lucia, search through #StLucia and see for yourself. Although I can probably save you the hassle and tell you it’ll be bathing suits, but this app will undoubtably help with packing to other destinations where outfits aren’t so obvious.

12. Photoshop Express – Pretty pictures make a huge difference and a little editing goes a long way. This Adobe-made app has an impressive interface, and it’s clean and simple to use. Enjoy effects such as filters, sharpness, temperature, shadows, highlights, clarity, vibrance and red-eye correction. So stop showing me your crooked and dull photos. Edit!

13. XE Currency – Good news shoppers, foodies and club goers alike. Here’s an app that will make spending money in foreign countries easier. XE works offline to calculate currency and foreign exchange rates wherever you are in the world. Now you’ll know just how much you spent on that 7 course dinner last night. NOM.

14. Globe Tipping – Tuns out I was an over tipper when I first arrived in Argentina. The American custom is to tip around 20% if you had great service. In Argentina, it’s custom to only tip 10% of your bill. Globe Tipping could’ve helped me out way back when. This handy app has tipping guides in over 200 countries. Pay 99 cents and save on tips.

15. Sleep Sounds HQ – If you’re like me and need to have soft, crashing waves or simple white noise put you to sleep, pay $1.99 for this app with over 600 different sounds to choose from. This works really well in big cities where constant horns and motor bikes are problematic. I’m talking to you, Buenos Aires.

16. Pocket – Ever come across articles that were great airplane reads, but once you got up to 30,000 ft., you realized you couldn’t download them? Duh. Well think ahead and get Pocket. This app allows you to save articles, videos, recipes and other webpages for later, all in one place. One pocket. To view everywhere. Even offline and up 30,000 ft.

17. Venmo – If you’re traveling within the United States, this is a must have. Maybe you have a group vacay coming up. Perhaps you’re following Beyonce and Jay Z around the country only to drool over them performing on stage together. Most likely, you’ll owe a friend something whether it be for a drink, groceries, plane flight or concert ticket. Send away through Venmo, the easy payment exchange for people in your inner circle. It’s free so long as you link your account to your U.S. bank account or debit card.

18. iTranslate – There’s nothing more frustrating than a language barrier. It took me a few months to learn how to properly order a steak medium well in Buenos Aires (believe me, they come out mooing when even cooked medium.) This app allows you to break down language barriers. You can even choose different dialect, male or female, and also control the speech rate on the premium version. Put this one on your home screen when traveling.

19. Trip Advisor – This is the place to find brutally honest reviews of various hotels, restaurants and attractions throughout the world. It can build a place up just as fast as it can tear a place’s reputation down. The user photos will also give you a better representation of what your liable to find at a place than say a restaurant’s website. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, so read at your own risk. There will likely to be rants alongside your favorite restaurants. But when you touch down in an unfamiliar country, you’re only seconds away from the many opinions out there.

20. World Mate – The closet thing you’ll ever have to a personal assistant without paying for it. This app allows you to forward your flight/hotel/restaurant/driver confirmation emails to one place: [email protected]. It will generate an itinerary covering your entire trip. Upgrade to the premium version and World Mate will keep you in the loop with real time alerts to let you know of flight delays, gate changes, etc.

21. Kayak – Sure, there are plenty flight booking apps out there, but this is the #1 mobile travel app, or so Kayak self-proclaims. Compare hotel prices, flight deals and car rentals all in one place. It also allows for a flight track, price alerts, airline fee info and MORE. I’ve used this app for the past few years and it’s a beautiful thing.

22. Weather Pro – Here’s an app that takes weather seriously. At $2.99, you’ll get weather reports for over 2 million locations around the globe. Highly reliable, just like the weatherman… right?

23. Packing Pro – Okay, okay I hear you. Who’s really going to rely on an app to tell them what to pack for an upcoming trip? I’ll tell you who. This is for the people who always forget that one pertinent item while going on vacation. Heading to a tropical island but forgot to open your bathing suit drawer? Ouch. Maybe you’re just extremely lazy and want somebody to do the work for you. Well, you, too, are in luck. All you’ve gotta do is tell this app where you’re going and for how long, and BOOM. Hard work done. Forget forgetting.

24. Jetsetter – I gotta admit. Perusing over Jetsetter’s content makes me feel so crazy, sexy, cool, almost like a TLC album. They provide insider access to all the cool, hip places to go in the world and are all about scene-y hotels, envy-worthy vacation home and badass tour packages. They even throw out some flash sales. So go. Do it. Download. And get to jetsetting.

25.  Quintessentially – Personal concierge is now at your service and on your phone. This lifestyle guide can book you a table at a posh restaurant, get you front row tickets to Bey and Jay if your bank account can handle it, and have you staying in the most exclusive hotel in the city next weekend with the tap of your finger. How fancy. It features curated lists from 90 countries across the globe.

Drink, Drank, Drunk Wineries

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Luján de Cuyo & Chacras de Coria Regions

Located about 30 minutes from Mendoza City, these regions host many major wineries. Luján is especially known for its premium wines and nickname, “Land of the Malbecs.”

Montequieto – Have a decadent Malbec and Cab Franc. The tasting and tour were really interactive and fun, but sadly I don’t think they do tourism anymore.

Catena Zapata – Great wine, educational tasting, and crazy awesome Mayan architecture!

Benegas – Albeit a little creepy, this old winery has a lot of history and the tasting is performed in an old stone cava.

Alta Vista – Color me unimpressed. T’was a bit pretentious.

Dominio del Plata – Pretty spot with a fun, laid back tasting. I just couldn’t get into this one as it was the last stop on one of our trips and I was wined-out. Read: drunk.

Vistalba – Maybe one of the prettiest wineries around, which is hard to say because they are all so.damn.pretty. But think about the most magical, picturesque place you could dream up for a wedding and look no further. This must be the place.

Belasco de Baquedano – I could’ve skipped the lunch as it could be summed up into one word: bland. But one thing that was certainly unique about this place was their Aroma Room. As the only one of its kind in the Americas, the room presents 46 fragrances contained in clear plexiglas posts that line up along the walls of long room. Twist a lever on the side of a post, a baffle spins, and an intense fragrance is released from a small capsule of oil. I had no idea that olfactory nuances of the grape included scents like game, musk, mushroom, or geranium. You learn something new every day.

Pulenta Estate – Get over-served with their Cabernet Franc. You won’t regret it. Best Cab Franc that has ever graced my lips. Go home with a bottle. Nah, go home with a case.

Achával Ferrer – Intimate setting with good wine but didn’t live up to its reputation.

Ruca Malen – Voted best winery restaurant in the world in 2013 and I can see why. The creative measures they take to wow their guests are unprecedented. Here’s my very first lunch course out of like, 14:

A food map under a piece of glass on which some perfectly seasoned quinoa was served. The foodie in me simply loved this. A food map under a piece of glass on which some perfectly seasoned quinoa was served. The foodie in me simply loved this.

Valle de Uco Region (a.k.a my favorite region)

My philosophy is that the further south you go, the better. Located about an hour and a half southwest of Mendoza city and on the Andes mountains foothills, this is where I lived the dream for a few glorious day and nights of the year.

Melipal – Modern winery with a great porch to bask in the glorious Mendoza sun. Great lunch spot. Skip the tour.

Andeluna – Meh. That’s all I really have to say. Just, meh.

O’Fournier – Good wine, even better architecture. Winery looks like a spaceship and is designed in a way to allow production to work mostly through gravity, minimizing the use of pumps.

Clos de los Siete – Another massive place with four wineries in one. I can’t say much about the wine since we had the unlucky pleasure of tasting with a brand new guide who had worked a total of 4 days. We also arrived the morning after a giant wedding took place. The grounds were a mess and we were served freezing cold Malbec sooo… yea.

Salentein – I’m sure I’ll get castrated for this, but I wasn’t overly impressed with the wine. The structure, however, is another story. The underground cellar was especially memorable as the barrels rest in a circle around a sunken center stage accompanied by a piano, which I played ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb’ on. NBD.

La Azul – Small, intimate winery. Tasting was fun because it felt very personal.

The Vines – A massive production is an understatement. If you have enough money to throw at making your own wine, you can achieve that here among their 1,500 acres. Turn from wine lover to wine maker, throw some cold hard cash down and own a 3-10 acre professionally managed private vineyard. The Vines also has the best guide I’ve ever had for a tour / tasting. I actually don’t know what made my love for The Vines stretch as wide as the vineyard itself. Could’ve been the guide, the beautiful setting of which we learned about the wine, the wine itself, the restaurant, or the fact that they had a stand alone, elevated gym with panoramic views of the Andes. I mean, after bottles and bottles of wine, you gotta keep it tight. Amiright?

Cavas Wine Lodge – Sadly I never stayed in their cute little bungalows (that go for $1,300USD/night in high season). Hell, I never even had their wine. I simply went to try out the oh so romantic spa. We were presented with a Syrah wine bath and use of their jacuzzis, saunas, and steam showers. Upon walking in, it looked straight out of a Moroccan dream, and all to ourselves. Highly recommend it!

Wino Info and Etiquette

– Mendoza is not a Napa or a Sonoma. Wineries here are very spread out, making it difficult to pack in various tastings/tours in one day. Do like the Argies do and take it slow. It’s recommended to do about three wineries per day. Four if you can hold your alcohol like me. You also need a reservation everywhere you go. Plan where and when you want to visit (read: get v tipsy) in advance.

-The wine in your system will be sure to pile up with more tastings that you do. However, it’s important to remember that you will be in tasting rooms, not bars. Don’t be the obnoxious drunk that ruins the experience for everyone.

– Let it be known that as inflation occurs, the pricing of tastings/tours goes up. Duh. During our first visit to Mendoza, tastings were around 60-70 pesos. In July, they were at least 100 pesos. Lunches cost around $60-70 USD which is pricey, but it’s a prix fixe menu with wine pairings. Worth it.

– Visit the big, popular wineries, but also do smaller, more intimate ones as well. It makes for a nice balance throughout the trip to see the various differences between the two experiences.

-Have an answer to “What kind of wine do you like?” Many times guides will start with this either as a genuine interest or simply as something to say. Perhaps you already know the answer. If so, well done. If not, start drinking more. Try wines you perhaps don’t know anything about as well. Ask questions. Mix it up. Expand the mind and the palette.

– After about 5 wine tours, you’ll know all you need to know about French oak barrels vs. American oak barrels. Concrete vats and stainless steel tanks. Soil concentrations and altitude factors. If you want to skip the tour and go straight to tastings, that’s quite alright in my book.

– People will tell you to do bike tours or even rent a car. That’s good fun and all, but when you’re three sheets to the wind and want to relax and be wine drunk heading to your next tasting, do you really want to maneuver a bike through Mendoza or worse, get behind the wheel? Didn’t think so. Hire a driver. Just do it.

– If you like the wine, buy the wine. Disclaimer: drunk shopping is real and can be hazardous to your bank account. Second Disclaimer: The wines you buy from the wineries will not taste as good at home for a couple of reasons. 1) You may have been drunk and thus not able to adequately taste much of anything. 2) I can equate a winery experience to my very own ‘Bachelor’ experience. When you’re in the winery surrounded by rich smells, beautiful sights and winemakers whispering sweet nothings in your ear about the pristine conditions and wonderful insights, you’ll fall in love. But sadly, at home, around your bar or kitchen table, you simply cannot replicate that special time period. Just like that romance…

This trip really does something for all the senses, which is the best kind of trip in my book. Upon walking into each unique warehouse, the smell of the wine hits your nose, staying with you even after you leave. The POP echoes loud as the winemaker uncorks the bottle. The salivating process begins once the elixir of life is poured into clean, crisp glasses before you. The intense aroma fills your nose upon swirling the wine. The vivid red hues come alive among the various Malbecs, Cab Savs, Cab Frans, Merlots, and Pinots. The flavors of each individual wine intensify as they hit your taste buds and move down your throat. That warming, overall happy feeling circulates through your body after your first tasting and will undoubtedly last throughout the day and into the night as you keep sipping, drinking, or perhaps even chugging the deliciousness that is Mendoza wine. No judgment here. Top it off at Cavas Wine Lodge spa and you’ve really outdone yourself.

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